Thursday, 14 November 2013

The Corset Diet: A Health and Safety Warning (with a dash if dear goduse your noggin)

This is a corset, it will make you look fabulous but it will not make you lose weight.

So there has been a lot of chatter about "the corset diet" all over social media in the past few days, and it turns out it came from this facepalm of a site
There was also an article in the Daily Mail but I'm not going to send them more page views, I already send them enough via the Venus Angelic post I made in response to their article about Lolita fashion and living dolls last year.

So let us see what the claims are shall we?

"The Corset Diet has been acknowleged by Doctors and Dietitians as

Healthy and effective!!!"

Really? Because I don't believe that for a second, and it's pretty funny that the names of these doctors and dietitians are never given anywhere (not even a mention of Nick Riviera!), if a doctor recommended something I'd come up with I'd be plastering their name over ever page of my website, and then people who thought this seems far fetched could Google my patron's name and that would show them! Bloody disbelievers! 
On a more personal note, who past the age of fifteen uses multiple exclamation points? You're trying to tell me you're a legitimate diet and all the exclamation points are just making me read your front page in Billy Mays's voice (not that I'm saying anything that the late, great seller of Oxyclean ever sold was illegitimate, purely that... BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!!)

"Our Corsets have a large amount of adjustment so there is no need to buy more than 1! "

Which is kind of odd because on your testimonials page "Claire" or "Christine" (or maybe someone else entirely it's not all that clear)  says that by day seven she needs a smaller one. Also please hire a proofreader before sending your business site live because that sudden "1" all up in there is making a nerve twitch in my forehead.

"They DO NOT restrict oxygen and our not undersized! The Corsets are designed to be as comfortable as possible and allow movement and air"

"Our not undersized!"

"Our not"

*screams internally*

The bottom of the page is where I start to wonder if this is the real life or if one of the Elder Gods just showed up and this is all just the result of me loosing all of my SAN points.

"***Please be aware there are a number of online companies that are selling corsets that have not been designed for the purpose of weight loss, therefore they are cheaper and made in the Far-east. Where The Corset Diet waist training corsets are made to order in the UK and designed for the purpose. Some of these companies are selling normal corsets that will not provide weight loss. To report these companies please ***"

None of these corsets have been designed for weight loss, saying they have doesn't suddenly make it true, I have actually reached the point where I'm convinced that if I keep looking I'll see something along the lines of "this corset will make you morph into a stick insect FACT!!!" And no before you go ahead and add that in, adding fact to the end of a sentence doesn't make it so either. These are not waist training corsets either (in fact I'd actually argue that these aren't even corsets to begin with but that's another rant entirely) and the absolute corker?


(FYI if you're interested they're all there, I just had to stop looking because seeing a reversible thing with a FUCKING ZIP labelled as a "waist training corset" put me dangerously close to rage quitting the internet).
So since I discovered that you're a Corsets UK reseller I feel the need to point out YET AGAIN that just because it has "UK" in the name doesn't actually mean they're made here, and I can prove it too!

"There are 150 people working in our corset factory in India. This modern building is 15,000 square feet was built less than 10 years ago by a Japanese manufacturing company in a new business park. Heat is the largest problem in India so we have invested heavily in 10 brand new air conditioning units for the facility. " - taken from Corset UK's about page

Part of me is actually tempted to try the email address and see what happens.

And now we move to the "testimonials" page, where we are faced with a holiday candid of a woman slouching in baggy clothing followed by the same woman in a studio, standing up straight in more flattering clothing and under lighting that doesn't make her look like she just escaped the chocolate factory.
Why is it that in these kinds of before and after pictures they always, without fail get a better hair cut in the after pic? Where is the "This corset will make you shed the pounds AND cut your hair FACT!!!!"
And as for the third picture, I can't deny that she has a great figure, but that bustier didn't give it to her.

The testimonial diary is utterly bat-shit and keeps flipping between saying the corset is comfortable and calling it a cage. I also find myself wondering if she keeps her daughter in her handbag. Ladies and gentlemen, while it is nice to have someone else lace me up if there's someone around I am totally capable of lacing my own corset, thank you very much.
The line about Victorian maids made me cringe so much that I was convinced I could hear a rumbling noise that am pretty sure was the sound of Victorian maids rolling in their graves. There is nothing Victorian about the tat on this website.

So in closing, don't bother with the corset diet, I'd call it snake oil but it's not even that. If for some bizarre reason you like metal boned tubes, order them from Corsets UK, it's much cheaper but above all?
Don't fall for this bullshit.

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