Wednesday, 16 December 2015
Now that my Christmas shopping is done I am feeling a lot calmer. Still having trouble leaving the house unless Kev is with me and I know he locked the door, and yesterday I managed to leave my phone at home and spent the entire day worrying it had been stolen, but I am starting to feel better.
It looks like my stress management course thing won't happen until new year now, but I do have a bit more confidence now that it will help.
Monday, 14 December 2015
Wednesday, 9 December 2015
Tuesday, 8 December 2015
I've decided I would rather make patterns for people to sew their own clothing than make clothes for other people because I like to make fancy things with lots of interesting trims and embellishments, but I don't seem to get commisioned to make things like those.
Also there aren't a lot of pattern companies that cater to alternative styles.
Monday, 7 December 2015
Wednesday, 2 December 2015
Today my diagnosis notes arrived in the post. I've never been given the option to have notes sent out before but this is actually pretty handy as A: I have something solid and real in front of me that could help calm me down in that I know that this is definitely a real thing that is happening to me and I'm not just being weak willed.
They also have a more detailed diagnosis than my doctor was able to give in person or that the doctor who called was able to give me over the phone.
While they agree that I have severe anxiety, they've both decided that I'm a low risk of being a danger to myself or others (which is at least something good right?), and that I should take a course on stress management to see if it helps me with dealing with panic attacks.
Unfortunatly it looks like I won't be able to join the programme until after Christmas (no room for me at the moment), so I have to try and work out how to cope on my own for the stressiest possible time of the year for me :/
Tuesday, 1 December 2015
Monday, 30 November 2015
Friday, 27 November 2015
Tuesday, 24 November 2015
Monday, 16 November 2015
I know I'm behind, I haven't forgotten, I actually have a couple of videos that I just haven't got around to editing yet because I've been having (unrelated) trouble with panic attacks and short term memory problems.
back in July I started having panic attacks and stress dreams about people dying, thankfully the dreams stopped fairly quickly but the panic attacks have remained and have been getting worse, I've also started having issues with my short term memory being a bit shit. I had one last week because I couldn't remember if I'd locked the door and I was scared my cat would get hurt, so I walked back up to my door, did what I thought was lock it and left, only to find out later when I came home that I'd actually unlocked it, which got me stressy again.
I've had on off panic attacks since I was 11, but they usually only last a couple of months max, or until I no longer have to deal with the stressful thing, however I've been unable to work out what has caused these ones and my usual coping mechanisms and breathing exercises are having no effect.
I saw a GP today who referred me on to the psychologists, who are going to telephone interview me next week to try and work out what is the best option for me, but obviously it's not going to be a quick fix.
I will hopefully manage to find the time to get back up to date with my vlogs because like I said I have some waiting to be edited and I have a bunch of ideas written down for other videos but I need to make sure I'm ok first.
Thanks for understanding.
Friday, 13 November 2015
Wednesday, 11 November 2015
My fiancé Kev ( https://www.youtube.com/user/kev36663 ) did a fire walk for Maggie's Centres.
Maggie’s Centres are warm and welcoming places built alongside NHS hospitals that provide the emotional, practical and social support that people with cancer and their family and friends need. www.maggiescentres.org
You can still donate on his just giving page for a little while yet https://www.justgiving.com/kev36663/
Tuesday, 10 November 2015
Monday, 9 November 2015
Saturday, 7 November 2015
I know, I know, I'm so late at putting these up!
But here are my photos from the Dr Who convention a few weeks back.
With my childhood hero, and all time favourite Dr Who companion Ace (Sophie Aldred)!
Really loved the panel she did earlier in the day, where she mentioned her own theories for what happened to Ace, as the series was cancelled and never explained where Ace went, she just wasn't in the film, Sylvester McCoy's doctor was travelling alone at the start of the film.
Anyhow, her theories are that Ace either became an eco warrior saving the space whale (hence the mention in Sarah Jane Adventures of her working in a charity shop), or is still wandering arounf the TARDIS somewhere.
With Deborah Watling who played Victoria
"The Doctor: You look very nice in that dress, Victoria.
Victoria: Thank you. Don't you think it's a bit...
The Doctor: A bit short? Oh, I shouldn't worry about that. Look at Jamie's."
With Sarah Sutton, who played Nyssa, probably the best dressed companion (kind of in love with her purple jacket).
With Maureen O'Brien who played Vikki, and hasn't really changed very much, she still has a very recognisable smile!
with Mark Strickson who played Turlough and was a companion alongside Nyssa and Tegan.
With Daphne Ashbrook who was Grace in the movie
Friday, 6 November 2015
Thursday, 5 November 2015
Nine years ago I posted a video on another one of my accounts zooming around Gateshead Town Centre.
It wasn't great but neither is this. Here's the original in all it's (lack of) glory:
Wednesday, 4 November 2015
Tuesday, 3 November 2015
Monday, 2 November 2015
This month I am aiming to make a short video every day. I'm still quite behind on Inktober, but I hope that I will be able to stick to this one a little more.
I have a lot of ideas for videos. Some will be short and filmed on an ipad like these first two, but I'm hoping to make a few longer ones along the way too :)
Friday, 30 October 2015
Friday, 23 October 2015
Wednesday, 21 October 2015
Tuesday, 20 October 2015
Monday, 19 October 2015
Saturday, 17 October 2015
Friday, 16 October 2015
Wednesday, 14 October 2015
Tuesday, 13 October 2015
Monday, 12 October 2015
Sunday, 11 October 2015
Saturday, 10 October 2015
Is that Hulk Hogan? Is he apologising for those terrible films he made in the 90's? So many questions! #duolingo #languages #german #deutschA photo posted by Louise Smith (@alexandriawebofficial) on
A few nights ago we went to a Wedding Fair at Castlegate
They had the place decked out as it would be for a wedding
The tables at an actual wedding would match, though they wanted to show off some of the different ideas they can use
I really like it, though we have a few more places to look at.
I found this tumblr a few days back, and reading this plus it being the month of October has prompted me to write about my own fears.
My biggest fear is loneliness.
When I was eleven I was bullied at school, it went from name calling to physical bullying very quickly and the teachers didn't really do much to stop it.
I started skipping school and ended up getting put in "Alternative learning", which was basically a small room where they shoved the people who were skipping school, the kids with learning difficulties that weren't getting the help they needed and the kids that were getting suspended a lot. So basically they put the bullies in with the bullied and a bunch of computers. Weirdly enough very little happened there, we just played Zombinis all day, although I do remember a guy once loudly announcing that his dream career was to be a mafia porn star, and that there was another guy who used to set things on fire, he was actually ok apart from the setting things on fire thing, he died a few years later and I'm still pretty convinced he was murdered, as I know that the person with him at the time he died used to bully him, and said guy has been in a shed load of trouble locally since, but it was decided at the time it was accidental.
Alternative learning would try and phase people back into going to regular classes, and one day I was sent out into the regular school yard. I was trying to read a book when a girl who had been one of the people who used to beat me up beforehand grabbed my tie and tried to strangle me, this time a teacher did step in (who I found out a few years back committed suicide, which really upset me), my throat was bruised and when I got home my mam decided enough was enough and pulled me out of school. From then on I was home educated.
I tried to call a few of my "friends", but nobody returned my calls, I found out a few years back when I found a bunch of people on Facebook that when I left a rumour had circulated that it was because I was pregnant and so that was why nobody wanted to talk to me.
Because of this I felt alone and isolated, I had nobody to talk to, while it may have saved my life it lead to me becoming incredibly awkward around people, I still have issues socialising with people I don't know that well because of that time in my life.
I never want to be alone again, so I try to awkwardly collect awesome people to keep around me at all times.
Friday, 9 October 2015
We went for Peruvian food last night
I've not had Peruvian food before, it's difficult to describe but delicious
This dish for example is Itallian spagetti with Japanese style stifried vegetables, brought together in a unique Peruvian way, and it was delicious!