Tuesday, 3 December 2013

Funny how things go

Before I met Kev I went out with a guy who seemed in retrospect was obsessed with controlling me. Every little thing about me he had something to say about.
In ways he was quite clever because it wasn't until long after we had split up I noticed all of the ways he had played with my head.
One of the things he managed to do was make me obsess over my weight, to the point that eventually I would check my weight every day and if I was heavier than the day before I would eat very little and be ashamed of myself, but he was never happy, the next time I saw him he complained that my hipbones (which now stuck out) had bruised him and in the same breath told me I'd be so much hotter if I lost a few more pounds.
When we split up and I realised all of the ways he had controlled me it still took a long time to stop obsessing over my weight and eventually I ended up having to get rid of scales in my house so I wouldn't obsess any more.
At the weekend I visited my friend's house for a party and she has scales in her bathroom, curiosity overtook me and I stepped on the scales.
I'm five stone heavier now, I considered that for a moment.
I eat a lot healthier, and I run a lot.
Those five stones don't matter.

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