New Foundation Screen Test

Hair game is on point today

Dalek Kareoke

And The Sun Starts Peeking Through

Now that my Christmas shopping is done I am feeling a lot calmer. Still having trouble leaving the house unless Kev is with me and I know he locked the door, and yesterday I managed to leave my phone at home and spent the entire day worrying it had been stolen, but I am starting to feel better.

It looks like my stress management course thing won't happen until new year now, but I do have a bit more confidence now that it will help.

Pumpkin

It has been a bad year for pumpkin growing apparently, so it took all the way until December for me to find a one worth buying. Very yummy though.

Learning German Update - Speaking About Myself

Christmas Pizza

It had sprouts on it, weirdly nice too. Well done Pizza Express

Got My Design Software

I've decided I would rather make patterns for people to sew their own clothing than make clothes for other people because I like to make fancy things with lots of interesting trims and embellishments, but I don't seem to get commisioned to make things like those.

Also there aren't a lot of pattern companies that cater to alternative styles.

Second Generation Broad Beans Update

Glitterpits

Diagnosis Notes

Today my diagnosis notes arrived in the post. I've never been given the option to have notes sent out before but this is actually pretty handy as A: I have something solid and real in front of me that could help calm me down in that I know that this is definitely a real thing that is happening to me and I'm not just being weak willed.

They also have a more detailed diagnosis than my doctor was able to give in person or that the doctor who called was able to give me over the phone.

While they agree that I have severe anxiety, they've both decided that I'm a low risk of being a danger to myself or others (which is at least something good right?), and that I should take a course on stress management to see if it helps me with dealing with panic attacks.

Unfortunatly it looks like I won't be able to join the programme until after Christmas (no room for me at the moment), so I have to try and work out how to cope on my own for the stressiest possible time of the year for me :/

Web Science - What's Your Experience Of The Web In Your Part of The World?

Explaining how basically lost I would be without the internet at the moment for the Futurelearn course I'm doing on Web Science at the moment 

Hair Ideas

My hair keeps breaking combs

I'm considering shaving half of it off so I braided one side to see if it would annoy me

I remain un-annoyed, so maybe an undercut will happen.

10 Year Old Bag of stuff Unboxing

I'll hopefully have time to make some non-video posts next week :)

Aaaaaand I'm back in the room!

A couple of the videos I've been working on

Vlogvember Updates and Stuff

 I know I'm behind, I haven't forgotten, I actually have a couple of videos that I just haven't got around to editing yet because I've been having (unrelated) trouble with panic attacks and short term memory problems.

back in July I started having panic attacks and stress dreams about people dying, thankfully the dreams stopped fairly quickly but the panic attacks have remained and have been getting worse, I've also started having issues with my short term memory being a bit shit. I had one last week because I couldn't remember if I'd locked the door and I was scared my cat would get hurt, so I walked back up to my door, did what I thought was lock it and left, only to find out later when I came home that I'd actually unlocked it, which got me stressy again.

I've had on off panic attacks since I was 11, but they usually only last a couple of months max, or until I no longer have to deal with the stressful thing, however I've been unable to work out what has caused these ones and my usual coping mechanisms and breathing exercises are having no effect.

I saw a GP today who referred me on to the psychologists, who are going to telephone interview me next week to try and work out what is the best option for me, but obviously it's not going to be a quick fix.

I will hopefully manage to find the time to get back up to date with my vlogs because like I said I have some waiting to be edited and I have a bunch of ideas written down for other videos but I need to make sure I'm ok first.

Thanks for understanding.

Vlogvember 12th - Raffia Bonnet Progress

Vlogvember 11th - Kev's Fire Walk For Maggie's Centres

My fiancé Kev ( https://www.youtube.com/user/kev36663 ) did a fire walk for Maggie's Centres.

Maggie’s Centres are warm and welcoming places built alongside NHS hospitals that provide the emotional, practical and social support that people with cancer and their family and friends need. www.maggiescentres.org

You can still donate on his just giving page for a little while yet https://www.justgiving.com/kev36663/

Vlogvember Catch Up

8th - Fat

9th Creepy

10th - Broad Beans

Dragon Age Inquisition Early Character Concepts (SPOILERS)

Pretty interesting how they come up with characters

Artisten Burger Night

Dimensions Photos!

I know, I know, I'm so late at putting these up!

But here are my photos from the Dr Who convention a few weeks back.

With my childhood hero, and all time favourite Dr Who companion Ace (Sophie Aldred)!

Really loved the panel she did earlier in the day, where she mentioned her own theories for what happened to Ace, as the series was cancelled and never explained where Ace went, she just wasn't in the film, Sylvester McCoy's doctor was travelling alone at the start of the film.

Anyhow, her theories are that Ace either became an eco warrior saving the space whale (hence the mention in Sarah Jane Adventures of her working in a charity shop), or is still wandering arounf the TARDIS somewhere.

With Deborah Watling who played Victoria

"The Doctor: You look very nice in that dress, Victoria.

Victoria: Thank you. Don't you think it's a bit...

The Doctor: A bit short? Oh, I shouldn't worry about that. Look at Jamie's."

With Sarah Sutton, who played Nyssa, probably the best dressed companion (kind of in love with her  purple jacket).

With Maureen O'Brien who played Vikki, and hasn't really changed very much, she still has a very recognisable smile!

with Mark Strickson who played Turlough and was a companion alongside Nyssa and Tegan.

With Daphne Ashbrook who was Grace in the movie

Vlogvember 7th - Soggy Steampunks

New 1940s Look Underwear

Well not that new...

I love the shape of that corset.

Vlogvember 6th - Wedding Update

Vlogvember 5th - An Updated Whistle Stop Tour of Gateshead

Nine years ago I posted a video on another one of my accounts zooming around Gateshead Town Centre.

It wasn't great but neither is this. Here's the original in all it's (lack of) glory:

You Don't Say...

Vlogvember 4th - My Lolita Wardrobe

Vlogvember 3rd

Vlogvember

This month I am aiming to make a short video every day. I'm still quite behind on Inktober, but I hope that I will be able to stick to this one a little more.

I have a lot of ideas for videos. Some will be short and filmed on an ipad like these first two, but I'm hoping to make a few longer ones along the way too :)

Mam and Me

In 1990

Glasses

Picked these up at the Dr Who convention the other week.

I'm not dead!

Just resting!

So This One Time I Was On A Channel My Grandma Could Find

It didn't end up getting picked or winning a prize, but it's put me in the gameshow mood.

I think I'll try out for more quiz shows, maybe daytime TV will be my thing?

Dr Who Glasses

Picked these up at Dimensions last weekend :)

Badly Named Car Park Codes

The gameshow I was down in London for a few weeks back has started airing this week. The episode Danny Gogo was on should be on today.

Did I get picked too?

You'll have to watch and find out!

Don't Mind Me, Just Travelling Through All Of Time And Space!

Bought this fab drawing of me and the Doctor from Carolyn Edwards Art at the weekend :D

Halloween Soup

Pumpkin and blood orange is kind of an odd mix, but it's actually pretty nice.

A Lovely Photo With My Assistant

And our sweet new ride!

Off To A Dr Who Convention

So Updates this weekend may be a little sporadic!

Kinda Want To Run Away With GAYmous

Femme on Femme is kinda stuck in my head :)

Chicken Little

Autumn Is Here

Borden Kei

Something interesting I found on Tumblr that I think pretty much perfectly describes my aesthetic.

Borden Kei.

I Think You Might Be Lying

That's a Strange Thing To Be Happy About

Bonus Whispered Version Of A Dream

Night gathers, and now my watch begins.

Found a pretty awesome soundboard for North of the Wall sounds 

Inktober 9, 10, 11, 12

Stuck in my head today - Hydrate Jirate

Is that Hulk Hogan?

Is that Hulk Hogan? Is he apologising for those terrible films he made in the 90's? So many questions! #duolingo #languages #german #deutsch

A photo posted by Louise Smith (@alexandriawebofficial) on Oct 9, 2015 at 2:22am PDT

Possible Wedding Venue

A few nights ago we went to a Wedding Fair at Castlegate

They had the place decked out as it would be for a wedding

The tables at an actual wedding would match, though they wanted to show off some of the different ideas they can use

I really like it, though we have a few more places to look at.

Deep Dark Fears

I found this tumblr a few days back, and reading this plus it being the month of October has prompted me to write about my own fears.

My biggest fear is loneliness. 

When I was eleven I was bullied at school, it went from name calling to physical bullying very quickly and the teachers didn't really do much to stop it. 

I started skipping school and ended up getting put in "Alternative learning", which was basically a small room where they shoved the people who were skipping school, the kids with learning difficulties that weren't getting the help they needed and the kids that were getting suspended a lot. So basically they put the bullies in with the bullied and a bunch of computers. Weirdly enough very little happened there, we just played Zombinis all day, although I do remember a guy once loudly announcing that his dream career was to be a mafia porn star, and that there was another guy who used to set things on fire, he was actually ok apart from the setting things on fire thing, he died a few years later and I'm still pretty convinced he was murdered, as I know that the person with him at the time he died used to bully him, and said guy has been in a shed load of trouble locally since, but it was decided at the time it was accidental.

Alternative learning would try and phase people back into going to regular classes, and one day I was sent out into the regular school yard. I was trying to read a book when a girl who had been one of the people who used to beat me up beforehand grabbed my tie and tried to strangle me, this time a teacher did step in (who I found out a few years back committed suicide, which really upset me), my throat was bruised and when I got home my mam decided enough was enough and pulled me out of school. From then on I was home educated.

I tried to call a few of my "friends", but nobody returned my calls, I found out a few years back when I found a bunch of people on Facebook that when I left a rumour had circulated that it was because I was pregnant and so that was why nobody wanted to talk to me.

Because of this I felt alone and isolated, I had nobody to talk to, while it may have saved my life it lead to me becoming incredibly awkward around people, I still have issues socialising with people I don't know that well because of that time in my life.

I never want to be alone again, so I try to awkwardly collect awesome people to keep around me at all times. 

ELT

Date Night Yummys

We went for Peruvian food last night

I've not had Peruvian food before, it's difficult to describe but delicious

This dish for example is Itallian spagetti with Japanese style stifried vegetables, brought together in a unique Peruvian way, and it was delicious!

Edgar Allan Poe's A Dream

Inktober 5, 6, 7 and 8