Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Cats not kids- Why I am Childfree

I do not hate children, I am not going to stand outside a church with a "Kill 'em all" sign and I would never try and stop someone from having a child if that is really what they want, however I am not having any of my own.
When I was little I said I would have lots of children when I was old enough, because when you're a little "girl" that's all you're taught to believe, even now in this day when we can have women in Politics, if you are born without a penis you will be given plastic baby dolls to train you to look after the real thing.
Even if you're lucky enough to have a parent or parents that don't teach you the mantra of "when you are a big girl and have babies", you will get it at school instead, and most likely end up believing that you can do anything in life...So long as you have children.
When I got older I began to question this logic, but I was disappointed at people's reactions to me saying I wasn't sure I wanted children.

"I said that at your age...I CHANGED MY MIND!"
"Accidents happen!"
"You'll never be a real woman until you have a baby"
"Not having children is a waste of a body, why would you waste what you have?"
"That is so SELFISH!"

The more people said those things the more I became sure I didn't want to join the cult-like mentality of these people.
Usually I tend to do things, and if I end up regretting them in the future oh well these things happen, but when it comes to someone else's life I don't follow that format. Surely it would be better that I don't have children and regret not having children, than have a child and regret having it?
There are mothers who regret having children, and I would hate to think I'd bring someone into the world who would grow up feeling unwanted because they were unwanted.
I keep running into people I knew from school that had children at a young age that keep telling me about how hard and thankless their lives are and that if they could turn back time they'd have either waited or not had children at all.
What if I had children and then changed my mind? What then?

True, accidents happen, birth control isn't perfect and it does sometimes fail, but if it did I would do everything in my power to make sure I didn't have to bring another unwanted child into the world. I guess that probably sounds a little harsh, but I don't want children, when everybody coos over babies in pushchairs, I don't, I just don't see the attraction and motherhood doesn't sound like that great a prospect for me.
As I said earlier, if it sounds like something you'd want then go for it, be a parent, enjoy being a parent, but I wouldn't.

When they say "BUT YOUR CHILD MIGHT CURE CANCER!" I often wonder if they mean "Your BOY child might cure cancer.", I'm only 22, if I spend my life studying I might cure cancer. If I spend my life looking after children I'd have no time for that.
And why cancer?
According to the World Health Report in 2004, out of every 100,000 people who die each year, the biggest killer is Malnutrition, 58% of people die of hunger.
Surely I'd want my child to solve world hunger? Or come up with a cure for Cardiovascular diseases, or Infectious and Parasitic Disease? The biggest killing cancer accounts for only 12.49% of deaths in every 100,000.
And what about the other side of that, but my child might be a serial killer?

I am not a "real woman" any way. Real women are skinny, real women are fat, real women have careers, real women stay at home and do house work.
Real women are a contradiction that people use to make people do what they want them to.
I am not a "real woman" and I am glad. Sometimes I'm not even a woman at all.

Personally, having seen several people I've known drop out of school, college and university to have children, I'd argue that if not having children is a waste of a body, then surely quitting education to have children is a waste of a mind?

As for the selfish part, well yes I suppose I do have a few selfish reasons for not wanting children in amongst the non-selfish ones (I kind of like my body how it is right now, and I have UK size 8 feet, it's hard enough finding pretty shoes without having my feet swell up another size), but personally I think it would be far more selfish of me to have a child of my own when there are so many children out there in the adoption system that don't have parents of their own.
Strangely when I mention my feelings on this the person who used the "selfish" bingo in the first place then attempts to tell me that adoption just isn't the same, or that an adopted child will never be the same as a "real one", if that isn't selfish I don't know what is.

My number one reason for not wanting children, I just don't seem to have the same love of small humans that everybody else has, little animals HELL YEAH, little humans, not so much.
I don't hate children, I'm ok with other people's children but I guess half of the fun of that is I can just hand them back at the end of the day when they're being gross.

As I said I'm not anti-child, I don't hate on people that have them (I do hate on people that have them and then don't look after them though), but my choice to not have them is my own, and I just really wish people would quit it with the "bingos", it's something I've thought long and hard about, it wasn't a decision I made in a split second.

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