Saturday, 11 June 2011

Shitty Week was shitty

I suppose the only way is up though.
So my friend ditched me for internet drama, it made me angry, it made me upset and I wanted so hard to say awful things because people were saying awful things about me, but no I can't. I just wish that people would at least listen to both sides of a story before passing judgement, I may not be perfect but neither is she.

My boyfriend got made redundant, he's been looking around for a new job but so far it looks like he may have to start working away during the week. The thought of this really upsets me, but that is just me being selfish and needy, if working away is the only way then I will just have to deal with it, and hey at least I will have the cat for company.

My dog was put to sleep this morning. Her cancer got so bad her mouth swelled up and she couldn't eat, she was in a lot of pain and my mam decided that she didn't want her to suffer.
This is what made me cry most of all.
When I was younger, in my early teens, I had a lot of problems and I tried to solve them in stupid ways that only ended up hurting me more and causing more problems, when it turned out that all I really needed to do was to talk to someone. I couldn't find anybody who would listen so I ended up talking to Tinker, she'd lie there being a dog, probably not understanding why I'd blub away about how lonely I was but at least she was something living I could talk to, talking to the walls was no use whatsoever. I say she didn't understand, but I guess she realised I was upset, because she'd always hug up to me, or lick my hands and it made me feel like someone was listening, someone cared.
I moved away from my parents home and I missed her just as much as I missed anybody else in my family, she was family, she may have had four paws and fur but she was my sister.
When she got sick, I was so upset, but relived that I would at least get a chance to say goodbye, and I guess in the long run that was the best way, because I did.
My mam and me cried our eyes out, but she's not in pain any more so it's for the best, and in doggy heaven she doesn't have to put up with a little emo kid bawing to her about her shitty life.
Rest in Peace Tinker, I loved you.

I'm stressing about next week as well. On Tuesday I start my Prince's Trust Course, it's super important I don't screw this up too, my whole plan for my career depends on me not screwing up.

I feel shitty for doing this again, but I'm probably going to vanish again, it might be a few days, it might be a few weeks or it might be a month.
I want to keep this blog a positive space, but I'm not to positive right now, still I guess the only way is up from here.

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