Circles

Other times it feels like I'm going in

circles.

Round and round and round it goes

my

life

on

repeat

There are small circles,like breathing and

eating

of course but then there are bigger circles.

Find

someone,

trust

someone

think that this time.this will be the fairytale friendship

this

time will be different, we will be friends *forever*

and

for

a

while

everything is great, I'm happy,they're happy and then

just

when everything seems at it's best something happens

I

move

away,

she

moves away, she just doesn't call any more, I forget to

write,

we fall out over something silly and I'm to stubborn to say

sorry

she 

moves

away,

she gets involved with druggies, decides she doesn't want 

anything

to do with goths any more, gets married, has a bunch of kids

and

a

divorce

and

forgets all about me, I move away and don't email him as much

as

I should, she scares me and I say something I regret, I move away 

and

don't

email

her

as much as I should, I move away and she deletes her Facebook and 

we

loose touch, she misheard me in a club and got mad at me for something

I

didn't

say,

she

was in love with someone who hates me, we ran into eachother years later 

and

promised to get back in touch but we didn't, I trusted her, called her sister,

stuck

up

for

her

when people tried to bring her down, was there for her when nobody else

was

she betrayed my trust, talked behind my back and eventually told me she

wanted

nothing

to

do

with me any more because of the drama I had managed to get involved in

when

I was trying to protect her. That is a list of ways how every friendship that

was

important

to

me

fizzled out since I was a child, and every time it was the same circle, I felt

safe

and then it crumbled. I don't pick one best friend now, not just because I'm

sick

of

damn

circles

but because I have so many important friends now that I can't just pick one.

I think I broke the circle.

I hope so anyway.